Life not Lived
by engele-om-ons
Summary: Dudley Dursley build a new life for himself. Living with his cousin Harry Potter and dating Hermione Granger, his life could not be better, until he helped a damsel in distress. Now his life is falling apart.


_This __is __in __response __to __the _**Competition ****by **QuintessentialDreams.

_My __Character: __Hermione __Granger __& __Dudley __Dursley._

Hope you enjoy!

_**Life **__**not **__**lived**_

I am slowly making my way back to my family home. I have not been there for almost 2 years and this is not the way I wanted to reunite with my parents.

My hands are shaking, my eyes are tearing up, but I swallow the threatening tears back. Can this honestly be real? It almost feels like I am caught in another's fantasy world, a world that is not part of my own reality. But I fear that there is no escape.

I open my eyes and look up to clear blue sky and I finally see the truth. I do not need anyone's sympathy; I made my own decisions and will have to go as the wind blows on this one. As of yet, I do not know which way is forward, but it doesn't really matter to me at this stage.

The one thing I have learned is that life offers you no favors. I did this all by myself; I am the only one responsible for this mess. My feet are really dragging now. I can already imagine my father's reaction and I wondered what kind of person I am that I suddenly hope he is not at home. A lot has happened since I was their only Dudley-kins, their precious little boy. Harry will probably get a laugh out my current situation. Or perhaps not

The door open and I can see my mom running to me and it breaks my heart. How do I tell her? How do I tell her that I just killed a man?

"Duddy! Oh my boy, my sweet-sweet boy!"

"Mama, just wait. Please, I need to tell you something."

"Duddy?" How I hate hearing that quivering voice. I hate that I have to hurt her.

"I killed a man today Mama. It was an accident. But I am responsible for his death. I just started a new life and now it's is all lost. I threw it away."

The look of utter horror on her face was quickly replaced with pure sadness.

"Oh Mama, I really did not mean to make you cry. I just thought I must to tell you that if you do not see me again, please go on with your life, please carry on. Do not have any regrets and carry on as if nothing of this matter to you."

It took me most of the afternoon to explain as much as I could to her. She really did not want to believe that her little boy could kill a man. But I did. I did not mean to, but I did and now I have to live with the consequences.

We spend some time together and she promised to give the letter to my Dad only if he asks about me. Which I am not sure will happen. He did kick me out of his house after finding out about my relationship with Luna.

She tried to stop me from leaving, to not go to the Auror's and give myself up. But in the end, we parted, knowing we will not see each other again. She did give me a parting gift that I will always be thankful for.

I know what will happen to me. Hermione explained it all to me. I will be given a trial and be sentenced to a Dementor's Kiss and life in Azkaban. And already having experience a small sample of their "kiss", I know I am as good as dead. But listening to her speak, I realized that I really did not want to die. I do not want to lose her just when we found each other. The shivers ran all over my body, and I ache all over. This is it, my time is up and now I have to say my final goodbyes.

The last 2 years I have lived with Harry and should anybody have told me this a few years ago, I would have knocked their teeth out. But Harry was my only other family and I needed family at that time. I am a changed man and a lot of that I have to thank Harry for. He gave me a second chance and because of that I met this beautiful girl who opened her heart to me. Hermione is everything to me, and now I am going to lose her as well and it scares me. Do I really see lightning? Or is it a sign? The though is frightening that they are sending me a message to hurry up and meet my end.

I ran as fast as I can back to where I left the port-key. I have special clearance to use it to say my good bye's to my family so that no question will be ask later.

The shoe is still lying where I left it and looking at my watch I touch the boot. I really need to see her again. Just one last time.

She is already waiting for me, catching me in her arms as I tumble to the ground.

"I am so sorry Hermione, I tried, and really I tried to be the best man I could for you. I didn't mean to kill Theodore. I didn't"

"Shush Dud, I know. Remember I have seen you change. I now it was an accident. I know"

She is rocking me like a little child in her arms although I am almost double her size, and I cannot help but feel sorry for myself. Why now, why now that I made real friends, now that I made a life for myself?

"Dud, it's fine, I promise. Remember that day you came knocking on Harry's door? We were sitting and talking about our family and Harry were telling us about the time you taunted him about his mother being dead and all. He was getting emotional and just then you knocked on the door.

When I opened the door, I barely recognized you. You were nothing like what Harry described to us, but at the same time, you were exactly the same person. You came crashing into me and it took Harry and Ron to lift you off me.

Harry sat by your bed day and night for that first week, talking to you about everything. Telling and sometimes yelling at you about how his life was growing up and somehow that helped him get over some of his unresolved issues. So when you woke up, do you remember what happened?"

How can she even ask that? At first I couldn't remember where I was until I saw Harry sitting next to me with a smile. It was that smile that confused me. It was pure. No nastiness, no evil, just pure friendship on offer.

It did not take a few days or even a few weeks, but we did work out our differences in the end. Harry forgave me, and helped me get a job at the ministry. Yes, times really have changed when a Muggle gets employed by the Ministry.

Hermione and I just started dating officially a few weeks back, but I fell in love with her almost immediately after opening my eyes. Love at first sight or something like that.

"Yes, dear. I do remember. You, Harry and Ron became like a family to me. And look how I am repaying you. I killed a very good friend of yours"

"NO! You acted on instinct and saved Ginny's life. For that alone, you will be forever in a lot of people's debt. We all love you Dud. Never forget that. Please tell me you will try. Try to remember the love we share. Promise me!"

No, I know what I need to do, I cannot let go in any other way.

"Hermione, please let me go"

"No Dud! No, please don't do it. There is still hope"

"Let me go, please."

"NO, I cannot let you go! Harry! Ron! Please come and help me!"

They came bursting through the door, looking at us in horror. Realization of the situation hitting them.

"No Dudley, we will not let you go so easily"

"Please Harry. You have to let me go"

"I cannot give up that easily on you!"

"Ron, you have to let me go now. Please"

I hate to beg. But they had to let me go.

I never told Hermione, but before I left my mother, she gave me a potion. She told me that she have practiced Wicca for a few years, trying to connect with her sister. I told her all about Hermione and I realized then that she will never let me go willingly. She will come day after day to visit me in Azkaban, wasting her time on me, while I will never get out. Draco told me that they will sentence me harshly for killing Theodore Nott, the Minister of Magic. That he attacked Ginny Potter would hold no favors for me.

I had to try and let her see reason. I cannot let Hermione waste her life away for me. My mother gave me the solution. A potion that will end my life before the Dementor's can take it. I will go to sleep, dreaming of my true love, and never open my eyes again.

I can hear her crying, calling my name, calling for her best friends to safe me. But what she does not know is that I am already saved. I am tired. I want to tell her that I will always remember our love but I cannot get the words out.

I see her before my eyes. Her beautiful curly hair, swinging in the wind. as she walks towards me. Her arms are open, and I rush in. I can feel her kiss, I can feel, I can f….

No I cannot feel anything anymore. I took the coward's way out. I could not face seeing Hermione and not being able to hold her. She saved me, and now I hope that I can save her from herself. Ron will be there for her. I know he still love her. He will look after her for me. I have a spot waiting for me after all.

My sweet princess. My Angel. I will love you always. Do not cry. I am in a good place. I promise.


End file.
